Terrible Teens or Fun-Loving Spirits?

So, I’m very new to all of this blogging stuff and I think it’s perfect, because I’m new also at being the mom of a teenager. She’s now 13, and I realize that this has been a real struggle for me – the fact that she’s growing up. Not so much because I don’t want her to, but because as a teenager, I hated my parents. And I mean hated them.

I’ve always felt really comfortable caring for young children. I know what to do, how to handle myself and them, and just have overall sense of confidence when around the younger kids. As my daughter started heading towards 13, I was freaking out. I talked about it in therapy, to my friends, to my boyfriend, anyone that would listen. How in the world was I going to cope with this? What was I going to do? All of a sudden I felt completely inept at parenting and was terrified. All of my unresolved teen stuff was coming up for me to look at and heal.

What I quickly found when talking to people about my feelings is that they usually fell into two groups. Most folks I conversed with said the usual, “You’re little baby is going to turn into a monster and you’re not going to recognize her.” Or some version of that. One woman said to me, “I told my daughter that her only job is to get through the next few years alive.” These are the people that believe being a teenager sucks and their sole purpose is to make their parents miserable. Call me naive, but I have a few more expectations for my kid.

Then there was a smaller group (which I’m trying to belong to) which believe that the teenage years are a time of potential and exciting growth. These people encouraged me to hold a more positive focus and vision for my experience with my daughter during this time. Life doesn’t have to be hard, and I don’t have to expect that WWIII will erupt in my home during the next couple of years.

What didn’t help me was all the studies and research I had read on teens, technology, and behavior. Not only is being a teen challenging, but add to that email, texting, instant messaging, cell phones, the internet, myspace, and a thousand other distractions. I didn’t have any of this growing up, and it’s tough for me to relate. For example, why can’t my daughter just pick up the phone and call her friend to ask her a question?? “No, mom. No one does that. We just text.” Have any of you seen your child have a fight via texting? It’s just weird.

I am convinced that too much of all of this technology is not a good thing and I’m finding it challenging to balance family interaction time with my daughter’s want to be on the computer.

Just a few beginning thoughts. More to come. Feel free to pitch in.